just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
