You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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