Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
