I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
