Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
