There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
