i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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