I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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