i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
