I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
