The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
