My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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