i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I didn't notice because vodka
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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