I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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