i would punch a child for taco bell
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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