worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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