I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The air was thick with penises
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize