I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
