At least make sure they are 18
Why
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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