I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
