Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
