I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
