we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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