i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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