Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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