So drunk its hurt
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
