there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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