Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
