do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i drank out of a bidet.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
