I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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