I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
