Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
