new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
