How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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