i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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