I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
