Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
