she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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