Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
