Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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