You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
