sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
