I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
