I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
