theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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