I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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