Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
