everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
