At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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