i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
