There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
