I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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