I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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