You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
