sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
