make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize