She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
