I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
