Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize