so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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