Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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